Liminal Space

“From pain to praise…”

Years ago, when my grandpa died (about 23 years ago this week), our family was devastated. It was sudden and very scary. I was in college, and got the call to come home early one morning, he was in the hospital. I was able to see him when I arrived, and he actually passed the next day, when a cousin and I went out for some food.

I was grandpa’s girl. I was heartbroken. It is one of the most painful memories of my life. In that unknown time on my home from college, I was especially in a difficult space. I didn’t know if I’d make it in time. I lived 3 hours from home, and gathered everything I could as fast as I could and hit the road. In the car, I normally listen to music, and have it very loud as I sing along. That day, I didn’t. I didn’t turn it on at all. Instead, the hymn, O For A Thousand Tongues to Sing, bubbled up from my heart. I knew all the words, and sung it over and over again on my trip home.

O For A Thousand Tongues, Charles Wesley

“O for a thousand tongues to sing
my great Redeemer’s praise,
the glories of my God and King,
the triumphs of his grace!

2 My gracious Master and my God,
assist me to proclaim,
to spread thro’ all the earth abroad
the honors of your name.

3 Jesus! the name that charms our fears,
that bids our sorrows cease,
’tis music in the sinner’s ears,
’tis life and health and peace.

4 He breaks the power of cancelled sin,
he sets the prisoner free;
his blood can make the foulest clean;
his blood availed for me.

5 To God all glory, praise, and love
be now and ever given
by saints below and saints above,
the Church in earth and heaven.”

This song came to my heart this past month as I’ve navigated the storm that is my mom’s stroke. Her life is forever changed. My dad’s is too. On one hand, I am worried, anxious, and even scared for tomorrow with them. On the other hand, I confident in our tomorrow’s as people of faith. By leaning into my praise, I am not ignoring my pain, but am embracing my faith. I am seeking refuge in the practices of the psalms and laments. I am seeking all those things that are the very help of my life – or as the song goes “my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus name.”

At our last confirmation lesson at church, we talked about Galatians 5, and the fruits of the spirit. We talked about family members, and how people know that they are good people. We talked about people in our church and how we recognize that they have a deep faith, and that they worked hard for it. As a pastor, but more importantly, as a Christian, I work hard at leading by faith. It is not always easy, but it is important. This skill of going from pain to praise is one way of leaning on the name of Jesus, while I work through it all. Leaning on Jesus through this chaos looks like: self care, not feeling rushed to answer a phone call (or return a phone call), enjoying a favorite treat or activity (or both at the same time), and simply articulating the experiences of stress outloud to a trusted person. While it would be easy to be overwhelmed, it is easier to set these boundaries.