The Start of Renewal

For the last 6 weeks or so, my congregation and I have been journeying through conversations around Sabbath during worship and our book study. We have been using two books: “Sabbath as Resistance” by Walter Brueggemann and “Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal and Delight in our Busy Lives” by Wayne Muller. We had two Sundays during these last few weeks where we practiced some Sabbath rituals and spiritual disciplines. I’ve heard comments like:

“Pastor, I sure needed that today.”

“I didn’t know how tired I was.”

“COVID was exhausting, and I haven’t gotten it yet.”

As I lead these conversations and read the books, I found myself saying some similar words. Our lives have been turned upside down. March 2020 everything changed. our normal now must include hand sanitizer, vaccination cards and hybrid experiences. I’m tired, too. I’ve lost some of the joy that I had for creative worship, peaceful prayer and lost connections to some of my own spiritual disciplines. I am guilty of gossip, lack of self-care, and at times not giving much of a damn anymore about work. It is humbling as a pastor to say this. My calling evolved into work. As I preached these last few weeks, I wrote every word not only for my congregation but also for myself.

I’ve long been a believer that work is not work when it brings joy, enjoyment, and fulfillment. To be called into a professional field, one must feel these things on a very deep core – pastors included. A few month ago, I recognized that those things feelings were fewer and fewer as I adjusted to this normal with our COVID reality. My dear sister in faith, Dottie Petersen, heard of an opportunity for clergy to take a renewal leave, and she asked me, “When are you taking yours?” She went as far to send me an application for a grant to help supplement some costs while I would away. After prayer, discernment and a lot of listening, I called her and said, my leave starts in October. I went through all proper channels to set up support for my congregation and received the affirmation of my conference leadership.

Tuesday, October 19, my leave begins! (In case you are United Methodist and like reading about this: Book of Discipline, 350.3) Originally, the plan was to take some vacation time, renewal time and recovery time. I was scheduled for a surgery during my time away. My surgery has been postponed till January due to some referrals and recommendations by my medical team. I saw this postponement as a “thin place.” This was a moment where I had no doubt that God was calling me into this new season for rest and renewal – not recovery and healing (although these are expected.)

Renewal leave is not for the broken, solely. I don’t feel the need for healing alone. I’m tired. For weeks, we lived week to week with worship, offering and pastoral care. I didn’t know who was going to pass away from loneliness, who was going to serve as a liturgist, and how we were going to received our offerings so that we could continue to pay our staff. I didn’t know if the technology would work right, if the words we shared during worship could be understood or even if we were reaching people with this opportunity to encounter grace. I didn’t know, and I didn’t stop. I didn’t stop working, praying, reaching out safely. I didn’t stop, and some weeks, didn’t get a day off. Grief became a reality when we would lose our shut ins and we couldn’t hold their funerals at the church, or for that matter at all. Grief became real for my spouse and I when we lost both of our grandmas earlier this year. COVID led to their sadness and their brokenness.

Walter Brueggemann says, “The Sabbath sanctifies time through sanctioned forms of rest and inaction. On this day certain workaday activities and ordinary busyness are suspended and brought to a halt. In their stead, a whole host of ways of resting the body and mind are cultivated.” (Introduction: Sabbath As Resistance)

My Sabbath, renewal leave, and a few days of vacation begin on Tuesday. I plan on returning to the pulpit on Sunday November 28th, the first Sunday of Advent. I hope to use this time for some special projects that I have been really excited about, and some special visits with my people. While I plan on writing via this blog, I am open to however God calls me to care for myself, my faith and this world while I am on leave.

I am so grateful for all who have made this leave possible. For the clergy who are supporting our lay people, thank you. For our laity on call, thank you for your care. For our preachers and liturgists these next several weeks, I am praising God for you and your good news message. For the conference support on this leave, thank you for caring for me in this way. For my people including my #pastorpups, I can’t wait to journey with you – over meals, trips, prayers, and laughs.

Today, October 17, was Pastor Appreciation Sunday. I was joyfully surprised, and feel very loved by my people here at the church. I will post more pictures as the leave goes on, but these two speak to me – a Sunday morning smelling candle and a pillow for rest. One of the lessons of Sabbath is that we are invited to engage with our senses completely – scents and touch are two key ones connected to our hearts.

I don’t know what the next few weeks will bring. I am confident that our great God is already there calling me to nap, play, set aside the technology for awhile. When I light that candle on Sunday morning, I will smile and know that all will be well. The things that are undone will be there when I return – including some church conference stuff.