A New Journey Begins

When I met my spouse, one of the first things we talked about was starting a family. He comes from a small family, no 1st cousins. I come from a slightly larger family, having relationships with my cousins from many generations. We married in December of 2006. We decided to start trying for our family in October of 2007.

In January of 2008, we thought we were pregnant. I went for some tests, and discovered that my uterus was the size of a grapefruit – not pregnant. Instead, I prepared for my first myomectomy – a surgery to remove fibroids from my uterus.

Over the years we both have gone through fertility testing that we could afford and were optimistic that pregnancy was in our future and our family would grow beyond us and the four legged #pastorpups.

In 2012, we did get pregnant. It was a humbling time. We were thrilled, excited and started collecting the things that we needed for our little one. (These things are in a small box in our basement still.) Several weeks into this blessing, we learned the word unexplained. The miscarriage was unexplained. Our fertility problems were unexplained. Shortly after the miscarriage, I went in for my myomectomy #2. The fibroids had returned.

We have been prayed for, loved on and took all sorts of advice over the years as to how to conceive. This has been a part of my life and ministry now for 15 years. I have sat with women who have struggled. I have sat with couples who have endured. I have also been present for the birthdays of rainbow babies and baptized a few of them over the years, giving thanks to God in my heart for these lives and prayed for the impact they will have on the kingdom.

Mike and I discerned a call to move to Wisconsin in 2016. As a part of that process, we learned of 100% coverage for infertility treatments. Yay! Our prayers were answered. We had one session of an IUI that was unsuccessful. Following that failure, we returned for more testing. That testing revealed that we were older and tired of being tested. The fibroids had returned and were pretty big – similar to the first myomectomy back in 2008.

14 years, almost to the day, October 2021, I was scheduled for a hysterectomy. Our journey to have a biological family was coming to an end. We talk a lot about grief and the sadness in our hearts. (We would have made some cute kids!) We talk frequently about adoption and other options in our lives to show love for the next generation. We have 4 nephews and 1 niece that we adore! We have church kids from all of our congregations that we get to watch grow up and live the amazing lives that they do! We have the kiddos, that are like our niece and nephews, in our friends lives that we celebrate birthdays and big accomplishments with!

After some COVID related postponements, my hysterectomy is now scheduled for March 14, 2022. I have an amazing team that I am working with. I am ready to begin a new journey without the distractions of my female health problems. I am thrilled for a new phase in life with my spouse. We are gonna listen close to where God is calling us to share this great love that we have in our lives.

1 Kings 19:3-8 says, “Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.”

Elijah was a prophet in the Old Testament who upset the status quo of other gods, and fled into the wilderness for his safety. While he was there, he met God and experienced a renewal of his call. His meeting with God in the silence gave him new courage to leave his place of safety, to return to Israel, and to focus on accomplishing the new tasks that God has given him rather than his problems.

I was moved by his words: “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Ministry is a call to a lifetime of service. Both of our families taught us that life is about serving others and caring for the least of these. We could spend our days focusing on where we have been, but we wouldn’t get up and grow. God is inviting me to press pause now, find the strength I need, and head into a new journey of life renewed and ready.

Prayers are welcomed for my healing and this new journey that we are on together.